


Flashes Of The Future

by ExistentialMalaises



Series: The Rise And Fall [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 1940s, Adulthood, Angst, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Growing Old Together, It's beautiful.... and really really sad., Post-War, Power Dynamics, Shameless Smut, Such is life.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-05 01:10:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11567184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExistentialMalaises/pseuds/ExistentialMalaises
Summary: It is 1945, the war has finally ended. After spending two years apart, James returns to Brooklyn.Eight flashes of the future. An extended look at the lives of James and [Y/N] after he returns from the war.How will their destiny unfold?!





	1. A Flash Of Homecoming

**Author's Note:**

> If you are new to this series, I suggest you read the other stories that are part of [The Rise And Fall](http://archiveofourown.org/series/745344/) series for more context and a better understanding of the dynamic between the characters. 
> 
>    
> If you are not new to this series, welcome back! **Be mindful** , if you want to end the story on a high (not angsty) note, then maybe don’t continue?! But you will be missing out on a lot of wonderful and sweet fluff and hot smut. The cutest I have written so far. It’s **a double-edged sword**. I hope you make the right decision.

The sun was setting slowly as [Y/N] tapped her fingers on the steering wheel of the car. She had been waiting for quite some time for James to walk out of the army base in Manhattan. She had gotten many strange looks from men and women who passed by. It was not that common for a woman to be driving a car, especially not now the men were returning, but James’ pa had given her lessons over the last two years. [Y/N] had visited James’ parents once a week for dinner to stay in close contact with them, and to have people to talk with about him. He was dearly missed, and the absence of her one-and-only always loomed over her. She was not the only woman in Brooklyn who experienced this, but it was James’ family with whom she could truly share this longing. Somewhere during one of their many suppers, Mr. Barnes had suggested to teach her how to drive a car. She was working now. Working hard. She had to know how to take care of herself and how to get herself anywhere. He had taught his own daughter, and by now… he considered [Y/N] like his own too, and all his children knew how to take care of themselves, he had insisted. [Y/N] had eagerly accepted. She would say yes to whatever means possible for her to stay connected to James somehow, even if he was not around.

With a hard click she opened the car door, and stepped outside to stretch her legs and get a fresh bit of air. She had been sitting in that car long enough. She rolled back her shoulders and tried to calm the nervous butterflies in the pit of her stomach. Hearing that James would be finally returning had made them all feel over the moon, but now that she would finally see him… She was a little bit afraid. She looked down at her hand and stared at the silver ring on her finger, the engagement ring he had given her. It had been two years. What if he had changed? What if did not want her anymore? She closed the car door and leaned against it with a sigh. Only one way to find out, [Y/N] concluded. In the distance she could see the sun had begun to turn an orange-pink shade. As the soft glowing light was disappearing into the horizon, she fidgeted her fingers around the sleeves of her warm coat. 

“[Y/N]? What are ya doing here?” That familiar voice. That Brooklyn accent. Her heart pounded in her chest, and she turned around. James was walking up to her in his uniform with a big duffel bag over his shoulder and documents in his other hand. Their eyes connected, and her heart warmed. He looked exactly the same. Just a bit tired. And then that big, loving smile. All her earlier nerves went away, and she beamed. She ran towards him as her emotions got the best of her, and he dropped the duffel bag and documents on the ground and caught her in his arms. Holding on to her tightly, he spun them around and their lips connected in a split second. The way he kissed her was so warm and soothing. Even his embrace was familiar. They were going to be fine. He was back, he survived the war, and that was all that mattered. A couple of whistles came from behind them, and it brought her back to their surroundings. 

“James! Oh, I’ve missed you so much.” She pushed her face in his chest. There it was. His sound and steady heartbeat. 

He put her back down on the ground gently and lifted her face to place a peck to her forehead, “I’ve missed you too.” They remained there silently for a moment, before he spoke again. “Did you come alone? I was expecting pops.”

She took a step away from him and nodded her head proudly while he picked up his items, “I drove.”

“You drove? Since when you do you drive?” He raised his eyebrows. 

“A while.” She raised her shoulders. “Your pa taught me. He thought you might want a minute with your girl. Come on!” She walked back to the car, and he followed her with a dazed laugh. 

“I’ll need longer than a minute.” He joked after he put his things away and got in the car. “But only barely.” He laughed at himself now. “It’s been a while.” 

“It has…” Her eyes glided over his lips once they were both seated, and she saw them change into a grin.

“So how about ya show me how well you can drive right now? Up to the East River? Then ya can show me there… how well you can ride _me_?” 

“You haven’t changed a bit.” She laughed, shook her head, and turned on the engine. 

The drive to the East River was silent. The only noises they heard were the spatters of the rain on the car window and the constant humming of the engine. She was focused on the road, and his mind seemed preoccupied too. When she parked the car somewhere remote, hidden away underneath trees, James took off his peaked cap and threw it carelessly in the back of the car. This place held so many memories for her. Memories not so different from the one that was about to take place, but now… he seemed a little bit more distant. He glanced her way, his hands moved over his legs, and he inclined his head. He wanted her to come near him. She lifted her dress, slowly showing her black nylon stockings and her naked thighs. She unhooked the suspenders that attached her stockings to her garter belt, then raised her dress even higher so she could reach her underwear and pull them down. Once she unveiled what was waiting for him between her legs, he grazed his tongue and teeth over his lip in dire anticipation. 

She put her underwear on the dashboard, he stared at it for a second, then she moved from her seat to his, and he silently accepted her on his lap.  “Sergeant.” She murmured, and caressed his chest, her fingers making quick work of his tie then starting on his many buttons until she saw the dog tag underneath his shirt.

“Hi.” His voice was quiet too, and he followed the curve of her figure, tracing his hands from her hovering legs all the way up her breasts where he gently squeezed. “Hmm.” He wrapped his arms around her, and she hooked her finger around the dog tag and pulled him in for a kiss. It was unhurried and tender. She was taking her time to explore the warmth of his mouth, to reacquaint herself with the softness of his lips and tongue, and to allow herself to indulge in the carnal feelings he was giving her. His hand slithered down between her legs and his fingers grazed over her folds, pressed between them and dipped in, then encircled her clit at a leisurely pace. 

While she finished unbuttoning his shirt, which had taken a bit longer since she got distracted by his fingers, he opened and pushed down his pants and boxers so she could finally sit down on him without leaving behind any… visible evidence of their endeavor. He was already rock hard, and she comforted him in her hands for a minute while he unfastened the top of her dress to habituate himself with her breasts. After he pushed them out of her brassiere as much as was possible, his mouth and fingers promptly began stimulating her breasts and nipples. His needs were growing urgently. He could not stop touching her, and he objected with a groan when she leaned away to pick up her purse to remove a wrapper. 

“Hold your horses.” She smiled and opened the wrapper while he pumped himself. Once. Twice. “Here.” He held himself up for her. She rolled the rubber over his dick, then gradually sunk down on him. He groaned again, this time out of gratification, and his fingers dug in her hips. 

“ _Hell_ , [Y/N].” His voice was soft, and he leaned his head back against the headrest while his eyes closed as the sensation of being sucked in by his girl assumed control of him. 

Slowly she picked up her speed, and began to ride him, her body rocking back and forth. His mouth fell open in pleasure, he wrapped his arm around her waist and began to guide her body so that she was bouncing up and down on top of him. She moaned out loud at the way he kept filling her up over and over again, and she had to steady herself with one hand on the car window and the other on his shoulder. Her breasts jounced around, and he pressed his face in her chest, letting them rub all over him while he placed languid licks and kisses. 

Having found enough balance, her hand lowered to her sensitive spot where she began to add pressure. It was such an intoxicating feeling to be back with him like this, and both her body and mind had craved this ever since he left… Now that he was back, she was never going to let him go again. “Oh, James. _Ohhh_.” Her moans became raspier as she moved harder, but then she noticed a dampness against her breasts. James was not kissing or licking her breasts anymore. That would have felt different. No, he was just panting harshly against her skin, but there was a dampness. She heard a soft sniff of his nose. Was he? “James, are you alright?” Concerned, [Y/N] stopped her bouncing. 

He did not respond. He did not look up. His head remained fixed, still hiding his face in her chest, but she could feel the tears more clearly now. He was weeping. “Please don't stop. Please don't.” He suddenly begged and steered her body into movement again. Tentatively she listened to his request, and enfolded him lovingly in her arms while his tightened around her too. 

He should not have done that. Cried in front of her. It was embarrassing. He was supposed to be strong in front of her, not pathetic. And he certainly should not have done it _then_ while she was straddling him and giving him a good time. The thing was that it felt so good that he could not control his feelings anymore. Everything that he had been pushing away for so long, how much he needed her, how much he missed his family, his constant fear of dying when he was away, the loss of Steve and so many other friends, it all came back up again… and he finally let go. 

He was tensing up, she could feel it. She waited a moment, moving faster and letting his sobs falter, before she held on to his face with both her hands and gently demanded that he meet her gaze. “It's ok.” She whispered and kissed him. One hand pushed the hair out of his face while the other caressed his wet cheek. “It's ok. I love you.” She moved up, then suddenly took him in completely again. “Ahhh, I love you so much.” She panted. 

“I love you too.” He added softly as he sniffed. She repeated the movement, moving all the way up to his tip to roughly sink down on him again, then again… and again until he pushed her down faster and faster. Minutes later her stiffened underneath her and let go once more, emptying his needs inside of her. 

They remained like that, holding on to each other tightly, until he felt himself growing smaller. “Hold on, doll. Lemme throw this out.” He pulled himself out of her, and she sighed. He gave her a slow kiss, tied a knot in the rubber, and stumbled out of the car while he tried to pull his pants up. 

As she watched him walk away into the darkness, she grabbed her underwear from the dashboard, and pulled it over her legs and fastened her stockings to her garter belt. She sighed again. She still felt tender down there, not only because he had finally filled her up again, but also because she was still craving her own release… but that would have to wait. James clearly needed her. 

After James returned to the car, he pulled [Y/N] back on his lap for more of those slow and gentle kisses.His touch was soft and sweet, and she instantly melted in his arms. Once he finally broke their kiss to get some air, he said: “I’ll last longer next time. Need to build it back up again.” 

“You're worried about silly things, James. And we've got all the time in the world now. The war is over, right?” She stroked his face lovingly. He was back with her. She would be there for him. It would all be fine. 

“Thank God.” James murmured. 

“God had nothing to do with it, James. You did, and all the other men who put their lives on the line.” 

His eyes stared at the blackness the evening had brought with it as his mind went back to Steve, who had not made it out alive, and James’ jaw tensed up. “Yeah.” Was all he said, and he rested his chin on top of her head affectionately while she nuzzled against his warm chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to give kudos/comments if you enjoyed it :)  
> Next chapter is coming up soon. Thank you for reading!


	2. A Flash Of Ethics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that James is growing accustomed to his old life once more, there are certain promises he has to fulfill.

After James and [Y/N] returned to his parents, the rest of the evening had been an emotional rollercoaster. The moment he entered through the door, his mother had pulled him into her arms and refused to let him go. There was a lot of talking, and even more listening. James listened to all the developments he had missed out on. Not only had [Y/N] learned how to properly drive a car, but his sister had also taken a sweetheart, and his pa had to dial back some hours at the workshop, because of health issues. James was concerned about those issues, and had to be ensured that everything was fine… now that he was back again.  He would make sure of it.  Though he had choked up with [Y/N], around his ma, his sister, and his pa he remained dry-eyed and good-natured. 

One of the following days, after he had slowly picked up the pieces from his old life, returning to his old job with his pops and enjoying his ma’s cooking, James visited [Y/N]’s parents. They had news, after all. She had told him that her parents knew of the promise he made her, but now that he was back he wanted to inform them of his promise himself and start the preparations. He dressed up in his finest, and with clammy hands he knocked on the door. 

“James, there you are!” [Y/N] opened the door with a smile and gave him a quick but tight hug. “You had me worried.” He took her hand and together they walked towards the family room where her parents, her brother, and younger sister were all waiting for him. 

“Sorry, had to drop off pops first.” He swallowed, his throat had suddenly gone dry, but he did not have any time to fret, because [Y/N]’s baby sister ran up to him for an embrace. He leaned down and laughed, “Doll face, I barely recognized you! You’ve gotten so tall.” She spun around proudly. “And you’re still such a stunner.” 

“Thanks, Bucky! I missed you.” She beamed. 

“I missed you.” She held on his free hand, and James looked over at [Y/N]’s parents who had walked up to him. They greeted him with a handshake and a hug and expressed their happiness about his return. 

[Y/N]’s mother wiped away a tear quickly, “The state you put our daughter in. Miserable, she was.” 

“Everyone was miserable, ma. There was a war.” [Y/N] hoped her ma did not make James feel guilty.

But her ma persisted, “That doesn’t mean he had to go off willingly.” 

“James defended our country, ma. He did the right thing. Thank you.” Her brother walked up to James and gave him a firm handshake. “Good to have you back. Imagine your right hook has a meaner punch to it now?” Her brother said slyly, and [Y/N] thought back to that unfortunate occurrence during her cousin’s wedding party, and wanted to scold her brother again. 

“Try me.” James said, and both men grinned. 

After they all sat down to listen to James’ war stories, something he told them reluctantly while he kept all the details on the surface, [Y/N]’s pa offered him a glass of bourbon, which he took more willingly. “Hm, I missed this. The whisky doesn’t taste the same in Europe.” He twirled the brown liquid around in his glass, then took another shot. 

“Welcome back to America.” [Y/N]’s father clinked his glass with James and her brother’s, and they laughed while [Y/N] rolled her eyes at the camaraderie over alcohol. “Anyways, you’ve come here with another purpose, my daughter told me.” Her pa continued after he caught her eyes. 

“I have.” James sat up straight in the sofa. “Do we do this here or in private?” He looked around the room and no one replied. [Y/N] shrugged her shoulders. 

“I guess we do it here. Can’t deprive the women of your presence.” [Y/N]’s pa chortled, and James shook his head with a smile. 

Clearing his throat, he began. “You know I love your daughter. Well, I hope you know. I love her a lot.” He glanced in [Y/N]’s direction and they exchanged a smile. “Before I left for the war, I asked for her hand. I’m very sorry I didn’t get your permission first. Truthfully, there wasn’t a lot planning to it. But I asked for her hand anyways, and she gave it. I promised I’d marry her once I returned from the war, and now that I’m back… I’d like your permission to stay true to my word.” 

Her father put down his drink, “You tend to not stick to convention a lot, James… but then my dearest daughter isn’t like all the other girls out there.” 

“She sure isn’t.” James interjected, and [Y/N]’s father silently glared at him. “Sorry.”

“As I was saying… if I agree to this, I do expect you to stick to convention when it comes to the wedding. I don’t want an elopement or a bun in the oven, or anything like that. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir.” He nodded his head gravely. 

“Then you’ve my approval.” Her pa raised his glass of bourbon again, James joined him, they clinked the glasses again and finished their drinks. 

“She’s starting to become an old bird now.” Her brother walked towards [Y/N] and teased her. She huffed, which amused him so he continued. “Better tie him down quickly, sis.” 

“Shut up.” She slapped her brother’s arm away from her. 

“Mind your manners, dear.” Her mother told her calmly, and she closed her mouth in annoyance. 

Even if her brother had been joking, he had not been entirely wrong, and there was nothing that [Y/N] wanted now than to be wed to James. She had waited years for this, and now that he was back, she yearned for their own place in which they were free to be… free. Fortunately for the both of them, she had informed her parents of his promise immediately, and her parents were prudent enough to start saving for her wedding. Though [Y/N] suspected they had been doing that since her birth. James, too, had put aside money before he left for the war, to give to his parents if they fell on hard times, but they never touched a penny. It meant that the preparations could be done quickly, and within less than a year, their wedding day had come around. 

The day itself was stressful and hectic, and looking back on it a lot of details escaped [Y/N]’s mind, but she remembered her first dance vividly. It was the first moment after they had uttered their marital vows and signed their nuptials, when she was not being rushed around by her mother and cousins. It was when James slowed down time for her in her head by swaying her figure from side to side in his loving arms. 

Her head was resting on his chest while one hand was placed on his side and the other was interweaved together with his. Hypnotic rhythms and sounds of a classic dance tune traveled through the venue, she did not know the song but it did not matter, for she only listened to the steady beat of his loving heart. In that moment, they continued to exist slowly, quietly, for a couple of minutes, and no one else mattered. 

“You good down there, doll?” James asked when he heard her sigh. 

She nuzzled her head further into his chest, before she looked up at him. “More than good. Perfect.” She said and he smiled with his eyes, his lashes slowly fluttering open, and she melted. “Just perfect.” 

“So asking if you’re happy is unnecessary then?”

“Hm, very unnecessary.” They smiled again, and he lowered his head slightly to place a modest but long peck on her lips. She sighed again, and wanted the kiss to continue, but when she heard howling from a couple of family members, she was reminded again… that they were not alone. Unfortunately.

James laughed as he looked around the room at their community that had come together to help them in their union. There was not a miserable face in sight, and it brought great rapture to his heart to know that they were this loved. It only reaffirmed to him how lucky he was, and how right this choice was. Then later tonight, he would finally properly spend the night with his sweetheart again in their new home. His pops and he had been working on restoring the place for ages, and it had come together beautifully. He was certain that [Y/N] would love it. Well, he hoped so. His parents had also given him the ultimate wedding gift, a car of his own, now that he had his own family to take care of. It was a fixer-upper, but James was great at repairing and mending. He was a blessed man, he really was, but even on a day like this he could not be entirely happy, not when he was so favored by the occurrences in his life... but his best friend had lived such an underprivileged and adverse one. He would do his best to honor Steve, though. He would do right by them all, and he was going to start with his girl. _His wife._


	3. A Flash Of Restoration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Y/N] finds ways to make James bend to her will… for his own good.

People said you really get to know your partner after you are wedded, and it was not that different for James and [Y/N]. As it turned out, James’ reintegration into regular life had not gone as easily as he had let on. There were nightmares, if he managed to fall asleep at all, and he seemed absent a lot. He was away in his thoughts, and if she would accidentally startle him out of them, his reactions would startle her, when he would suddenly snap at her. He would immediately apologize to her, as guilt quickly took over, and she would forgive him. He never meant to be out of line with her. It was not his fault. It was safe to say that though James had returned home safely from the war, there was a piece of him that he had left behind there, and a piece of the war that he had taken with him into their life. 

She would continue to be there for him, just like she said she would when they made their vows. And it was not all that bad. He loved her thoroughly, and he showed her that with small gestures and long nights. He listened to her needs and did his best to meet them. He also worked hard everyday to provide for them. Ever since the men had returned from the war, the women were slowly being pushed back into the domestic life. Not by the men or their families, necessarily, but by the companies. It happened to [Y/N] too. Once the factory where she worked found out about her wedding, they fired her on the spot. Something about needing to focus on her marital life, on taking care of her husband, as they expected she would soon start children. They were not entirely wrong, but she was not happy about not being given a choice. She would have liked a choice. 

At least it was not like that for her at home. There she always had a choice. Often she gained the upper hand, unless James would put his foot down… but even then they had both discovered that she could be very persuasive. 

“James!” [Y/N] walked up to the door when he entered their home to take off his jacket. He gave her a surprised look. She normally never waited for him to walk in. Normally she would be busy preparing a meal in the kitchen. “Are you hungry yet?” Her lips brushed his cheek, and he pulled her in for a proper kiss. 

“Uhh, not yet?” He questioningly glanced at the dress she had put on. It was new. He had not seen her wear it before. It was black, hugged every curve of her body, and showed way more cleavage than usual. Something seemed off.“That lunch you packed for me was very filling.” 

“Good. How about you make yourself comfortable?” She gestured to the couch while she put away his jacket. He removed his shoes, put them away, unfastened a couple of the top buttons of his shirt, grabbed a beer and sat down on the couch. He emitted a long and deep breath. It had been a long day at work and he could really use some— She returned to the family room, her hips swaying slowly from left to right, her eyes fixed on his, her fingers grazing down her figure, and he took a long sip of his beer. Well, ok then. She was up to something. “How have you been feeling, James?” She sat down next to him, and her body rubbed his as she did. 

“Fine... but better now that I’m home.” He cleared his throat and wrapped his arm around her, leaning down for another kiss. 

[Y/N] turned her body into his embrace, her breasts hugging the side of his chest now, and the corner of his mouth rose in response. “Good. I’d just been wondering about those… nightmares you’ve been having. Think it’s time to go talk about it?” James sighed. So that was what all this was about. She had been trying to address the issues several times, and each time he had clearly told her no.

“I hate doctors, doll.” He slackened his hold on her. “And I sure as hell am not gonna talk about some dreams I’ve been having.” He took another sip of his drink, and her flattened hand gradually wandered from the opened buttons of his shirt down to his pants where she placed her fingers over the fabric and around him, and softly began to add pressure. “Hmm. Doll.” He sighed at the touches. “Come on.” This was not going to work, he wanted to say out loud, but then he also did not want her to stop what she was initiating. She could work him up whenever she wanted to, as long as she would finish the job. Her nails grazed over his balls, and the muted touch through the fabric made him grow even faster. 

Once he was hard in her hand, she spread his legs roughly and positioned herself between them. He chuckled at her unexpected behavior. She leaned down, giving him a good view of her breasts, and whispered into his ear while she squeezed him tightly in her hand: “I really think you should make an appointment. Even if they are only dreams, it’s important to deal with.” He gasped out while he listened to her words. Not waiting for his response, she turned herself around, and sat down on his lap, letting him appreciate the softness of her ass for a moment, before she twisted and turned unhurriedly on his erection. She rested her back on his chest, her head next to his face, and his hand went to her hips, but she pushed it aside. 

The way her ass rolled on his dick was way too enticing, and he wanted to bend her forward, pull up that black dress, and sit her down properly on top of him, but this coquette was not having it. He could tell. She was playing a game, and he was not about to let her win. 

“James, are you listening?” She rubbed against him roughly and he sucked in his breath. 

“I… am.” He tried to touch her again, but she slapped him away. 

“What did I say?” She moved her back away from his chest and leaned forward, pressing her nails in his knees, as she added more weight and tension on his lap with each new roll of her body. 

“ _Hmmm_.” He unzipped the back of her dress. “Dreams… Important.” The band of her brassiere was showing, and just as he was about to unclasp it, she stood up and turned towards him. 

“James. James. James.” [Y/N] smirked, and stepped out of her dress, revealing the nude-toned brassiere and panties. “I might let you undress me completely, if you… listen.” She sauntered towards the bedroom, and he put his beer down on the coffee table and walked behind her as he removed his shirt. [Y/N] thought she could turn the tables, but he would show her. 

James grabbed her arm and spun her around, dropping his face in her neck and hungrily dragging his lips and teeth over her sensitive skin. He heard her suck in her breath. He would show her. His hand slithered to the curve of her breast, and he was about to take what was his, when her nails dug in his skin as she pulled open his pants, then jerked them down along with his boxers with one rough tug. “ _Hell_ , woman.” She was down on her knees and looked up at him with mischievous eyes. As her nails skimmed over his legs, her plump lips pressed hard kisses up his inner thighs. She licked around him, and he bucked forward in need. This was not what was supposed to happen. He let out a traitorous groan. 

He was not going to weave his fingers in her hair. That was exactly what she wanted. She wanted him to show her his need, to display the power she had over him… that made him weak at the knees, and pushed his heart in his mouth. He was not about to give in like that. “Don’t you think you should see the doctor, James?” She started up again. Her lips trailed over his skin, and his dick was touching the side of her face, but she paid him no attention. It was infuriating.

“Stop… telling me… what to do.” He tried to keep his body as stiff and firm as possible. He would not cave in again with another groan or jerk.

Without another word, [Y/N] stood up and he caught a quick glance of her lips, those lips that were not around his dick, before she pushed him back on the bed. He fell down roughly, and he was becoming fed up with the way she was treating him. “Christ, [Y/N].” He raised his voice, but it faltered when she suddenly took him into her mouth. There was no easing into it, and he immediately felt overwhelmed. “ _Ahhhhh_.” His groan was long and loud… and so treacherous. She was draining away all the blood from his head every time she hollowed her cheeks and sucked. He wanted to weave his hand so badly into her hair and buck into her mouth, but he knew he could not. His body was already betraying him way too much as he writhed under her touch, he would not give in completely. She focused on the tip of his dick, bobbing her head quickly, and she forced her reddened lips over him again, and again, and again. “ _Ahhhhh_. Holy hell!” He was breathing heavily, and his hands fisted into the sheets, but it was to no avail. 

“What was that?” She licked her lips and straddled his legs. 

He took this moment of rest to catch his breath, “N-Nothing. My answer remains a no.” She pulled her nude panties to the side, and spread her wetness all over him, rubbing his dick between her folds and over her clit. She felt _so_ slick. 

“Just remember that you’re making me do this. Just because… you’re not listening.” Her voice was sultry, and he felt delirious. 

She stopped rolling herself over his dick, took hold of him, and drew him in painfully slow. “ _Hmmm_.” He groaned through gritted teeth. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. James tried to suppress that blissful feeling while she reveled in it.

“Oh, James.” She leaned forward on his chest, lingering around the tip of his dick and squeezing him tight, then sat back down on him harshly. “Are you going to listen?”

He trashed around in agony, “Ahhh, fuck. Ahhh. _No_.” It pained him to still refuse her, but she was not going to win. Not like this. James bit on his bottom lip to make sure his deceitful body would be kept in check while [Y/N] took on a steady pace rocking back and forth. 

She removed her brassiere, caressed her breasts with one hand while the other moved down between her legs for the ultimate pleasure, and he watched her in ecstatic anguish. Her breasts were bouncing around so enticingly, and he felt drawn to them. He needed her. All of her. She flicked her finger over her nub, going quicker and quicker, until she lost her wits on top of him. Her little whimpers and cries resonated through their bedroom and down to his core. The way that she tightened up around him was maddening,and it made him want to hold her down and thrust hard. Real hard. Without thinking, he sat up to kiss her down her high, but she opened up her eyes at his abrupt movement, and shoved him back on the bed. “No.” She grabbed his arms, laid them next to his head, and kept him in place. “Was that your answer? Are you sure?” Her breathing was shaky, but her movements were forceful as she brought him closer to his own rapture again. 

“I-I…” He swallowed. “-mmm... sure.” 

“You don’t sound sure?” She slowly drew him out again, contracting her muscles, until she reached his tip, then slammed down her body on his again, taking him in completely, and he whimpered. 

“I-I… am” He put his arms in front of his face, covering his eyes, not wanting to let her see how weak he was, how he was caving for her. 

Her nails scraped over his chest, and she slammed down on him faster, and faster, and faster. “Really?” She had to contain her own cries. 

Going harder, she began to feel the burn of her lungs when he threw his arms away from his face and shouted. “Ahhh... _Fuck_. Ok, yes!” 

He could not take it anymore. Let her win the damn game. He did not care anymore. He needed release, and she was not going to give it to him. Not the way he wanted it.

“Sorry?” She raised her voice and pretended not to understand. 

“Yes, I’ll go to the fucking doctor… _Please_ lemme...” He sat up straight and tried to plead with both his words and eyes.

She smiled with satisfaction, “All yours.”

Instantly he put his hand in her hair and pulled her into a kiss. She had not even once kissed him on the lips during her little game of seduction, and it was torturing him. He loved her lips all over his body, but on his lips was where she belonged. She still gently rocked her body in his lap, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He let out a sigh of contentment and kneaded her breasts in his hands. _Finally_. Her sweet and soft curves. How dared she prevent him from touching any part of her body. “You were killing me.” He complained into her lips, and her smile grew once more. 

“Oughta listen sooner next time.” 

“There’s not gonna be a next time. This was too much.” He panted, then flipped them over, with her back flat on the bed and himself nuzzled perfectly in-between her legs. “Never again.” He still sounded sore. He _was_. He set up a new and steady pace, starting out slow and taking his time to provide her with loving ministrations all over her nipples and mouth, then going faster as he neared his orgasm. He was able to enjoy the pleasure coursing through his body, rather than suffer through it, and soon enough he lost control of himself, finally relinquishing his self-restraint after the way she had worked him up. He quivered and jerked on top of her, bottoming out several times with loud and deep groans until he collapsed next to her. 

“Keep telling yourself that.” [Y/N] turned to him with a smile, resting on her side, as she watched him trying to collect himself while he shook his head to her disagreeably. 


	4. A Flash Of New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James loves telling stories to his little bundle of joy.

Following the demonstration of [Y/N]’s persuasive capabilities, James had finally consented to a visit to the doctor to hopefully treat the symptoms that were a result of the war. It was the right decision in the end. When the doctor informed him of the high number of men who had come to his door for similar issues, James felt reassured knowing he was not alone… that it was not just in his head, but a real issue.Battle fatigue, the doctor called it. James was not a lesser man for experiencing it. Any man had a breaking point, they said. It put James’ mind at rest, and he owed it all to [Y/N]. 

With time and continuous treatment his nightmares gradually disappeared, and the guilt and shame he felt for surviving lessened. It never really did go away, it was always somewhere in the back of his mind, but at least he had found a way to deal with it. Like [Y/N] said he had to. And then… the next best thing after [Y/N] happened. She gave birth to their first child. _Alexandra Madelene Barnes_. How would he ever repay the gratitude he felt for his wife? When Alex was born everything changed for them. They were no longer just two young lovers who were enjoying their newfound freedom, and the passion that went with it, in the sanctity of their home. They had a bigger purpose now, a more important one, and that was providing for and loving their daughter endlessly. Alex gave meaning to his life. She made it all worth it. 

Rolling his head from side to side, James tried to relax and awaken his mind at the same time. Alex was staring back at him with her bright blue eyes, and when he smiled at her she reproduced one that was not very different from his own. She looked like him in so many ways, but he did not know where she got the small freckles from. Her hair was nothing like his though, that was where [Y/N]’s genes bested his. Alex abruptly bursted out in tears when her father had not lifted her up yet, and the sounds of her cries were distressing to James’ drowsy mind. 

“Shhh. It’s ok, my little one.” James picked up Alex from her crib and carried her in his arm. “I’m here.” He let her wrap her tiny hand around his finger, and he brought it to his lips to place a kiss there. “Daddy’s here.” Alex babbled incoherently and brought his finger to her mouth, softly suckling on his finger. “Oh, your mommy said I shouldn’t let ya do that.” He tried to pull his finger away, but she instantly began to wail again. “Alright, alright.” James yawned and let Alex have her way while he sat down on the chair next to her crib. 

He leaned his head back against the wall, letting his eyes rest for a minute, when she burbled for his attention. “No, I’m still here.” He moved her in his arm. “It’s been a long day, sorry.” He yawned again. “What would you like your old man to tell ya today? Can’t believe I’m referring to myself as an old man. You’ve sure made me feel that way, huh.” Another yawn. Alex gave a gurgle of laughter. “Alright. Alright. How about… when daddy met mommy? Hm?” He brushed his finger over her nose, and she pulled it down back to her mouth. “You’re so persistent. You’re just like me. I was very persistent when it came to your ma, way more persistent than I usually had to be with girls. And she needed a lotta convincing, because somehow she'd gotten the impression that I was a bit of a ladies man. Now, I don't wanna lie to you, Alex. I was quite the skirt-chaser, and I'd gone dancing with a friend of mommy’s before. That’s how she knew. So her doubts weren't entirely unjust, but lucky for all of us I make sure I always get what I set my sights on. And mine were fixed on your beautiful ma. I still remember the day exactly. Don't tell her that, I've got to keep some aloofness, but she was wearing a pretty yellow dress. I was waiting on the bus after spending the afternoon with your uncle Steve.” He paused a moment as he thought back to his friend, then cleared his throat when his daughter missed his voice. 

“Hm, It was in the fall and the weather was quickly cooling down, yet your ma wore the breeziest summer dress. And she was cold, oh boy, was she cold. To this day I still don't understand what she was thinking. I saw her walking into a cafe, her arms hugging herself because she was that cold. She was hurrying into that cafe to buy herself a hot drink so I quickly crossed the street and went in after her. She was about to pay for her drink when I put some coins on the counter to buy it for her instead. You shoulda seen the confusion on her face, Alex. And then it went to offense. This was strange, because I've never seen a girl get angry with me for paying for something. Usually that's my foot in the door.” 

“More like putting your foot in your mouth.” 

James turned around and saw that [Y/N] was standing in the doorway, arms crossed underneath her breasts and a knowing smile on her face. “Ah. We've got an intruder, Alex.” 

“Only the main character in your story.” 

“The main character in my life.” He extended his arm towards her, Alex was throwing a fit over the loss of her father’s finger, and [Y/N] pushed herself off the wall and took it. She sat down on his thigh, and he pressed a peck to her wrist, before he wrapped his arm around her back. 

“I thought you were sleeping.” James jiggled Alex in his arm soothingly while he looked into [Y/N]’s tired eyes. 

“Hm, just for a little while.” She suppressed a yawn. “Figured you'd be here when I found an empty bed.” 

“Gotta make up for the time I have to miss her during the day.” They both looked at Alex who was quietly sucking on her own fingers now. 

[Y/N] smiled and stroked Alex’s head. “Go on with your story then. You can't be telling our daughter unfinished ones.” He gave her a wary look, suddenly feeling exposed, and she laughed in return. “I'm boiling milk. Want some too?” He nodded his head, and she walked out of the bedroom. 

“Ok, quickly before your ma comes back and tells the story all wrong again.” He ticked Alex on her belly and she giggled. “You're such a sweet girl. So much like your pops. Yes, you are.” She flailed her legs and arms in laughter. “So your ma was unimpressed with my courteous move, she told me she could pay for her own drinks herself. We got into a bit of a discussion about it and she insisted on paying me back. Another discussion happened, you see… your ma is a pretty stubborn lady. Eventually we were walking outside, and I compromised by telling her she could pay me back the drink by buying me one the next time I'd see her. It’s all about giving and taking, you see. She was a bit confused about my offer so I explained that she could treat me to a drink as a date. She called me insolent. Can you believe that? I offered her my jacket because she was still shivering and she refused it. And I’m the insolent one? Your ma is one crazy lady. We got into another quarrel about it, I even had to use empirical mumbo-jumbo that I had heard about from my sister, your dear aunt, to try and convince your ma. She wouldn't hear it though. But you know one thing I noticed during our discussions? She never once asked me to leave her alone, so I knew I was at the very least entertaining her. This is a good thing. And the longer we kept talking, the longer she kept arguing with me… the more I became certain that I wanted to have your ma as a... dance partner. There was this fire in her that I hadn't seen in other girls. So different, and I wanted to experience more of it. Other girls tended to be more demure and pretended to be less smart than they were. I don’t like that. A girl should never dumb herself down for anyone, and your ma definitely did not hold back with me. So ya see, I think it's a good thing I was a bit of a skirt-chaser… who knows how she'd have treated me had I not been.” Alex’s chest rose and fell slowly. She had fallen asleep again. 

“You'd still be relentless and impossible, James, so probably not that differently.” [Y/N] walked into the room again and handed him a cup of hot milk. 

“Both endearing qualities.” He stole a kiss from her and she laughed, then he looked back at Alex, brought her closer to his chest, and whispered. “I hope you take after your ma, my little sugar plump.” 

[Y/N]’s heart warmed with love for the both of them. “Drink up your milk and come back to bed, James. I'll show you some of that fire.” She bent down to place a slow and deep kiss on his lips. 

“ _Hmm_ , yes, ma’am.” His eyes scanned her body when [Y/N] walked out of the room, and he took a long sip of his milk. “That ma of yours, I love her dearly.” He turned his attention to Alex again. Still asleep, she breathed peacefully in her father’s devoted arms. James swigged from his milk while he stared at his little girl, hopes and dreams of how her life may turn out preoccupying his mind until the cup was empty. Trying to make as little noise and rousing movements as possible, he stood up from the chair and placed Alex back in her crib. She stirred awake, her drowsy eyes opening, but James lulled her back to sleep at once with loving whispers. “Shhh, little one. Daddy’s here. Daddy will always be here.” He caressed her head softly, and her breathing became steady once more. She had fallen asleep again. “I love you.” He bent down to brush his lips over the hair that she inherited from her ma. “Daddy loves you.” Stretching his body and sighing deeply, he grabbed the cup and walked to the light switch, turned off the light, and kept the door ajar in case she would need them. 


	5. A Flash Of Domesticity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James has a tendency to be mischievous… inside and outside of the bedroom.

Having a daughter was something [YN] had always dreamed of, but once it finally happened she was definitely not prepared. It had only been a year into their marriage, and she had grown accustomed to the domestic role she had taken on. She admitted that at times she felt a bit bored, but she had made a lot of new friends in her new Brooklyn neighborhood. There were plenty of other women who were in a much too familiar situation, so she quickly bonded with them when they had time on their hands and their husbands were away at work. After Alex that changed a little bit. Life became a bit more unexpected, with all the sleepless nights from a crying baby and a lustful husband, but even then she eventually fell back into routine. Her daughter might have required around the clock attention, but she slept a lot. During those quiet periods [Y/N] finally found time to continue her household chores, and if she was lucky she found a moment in which she could quiet her mind. But when Alex was in her arms and looked back at her with her big and inquisitive eyes, [Y/N] knew that her daughter made all the hard and tedious work in the world worth her while.

And then one day, it was not just her, James and Alex anymore. There was also their son to consider. _Steven Emmett Barnes_. He was named after James’ childhood best friend, who had become America’s proud symbol of patriotism and doing the right thing no matter what the circumstances were, but before all that… he was just a kid trying to show his caliber. James had taken the death of his friend quite hard. It took [Y/N] a long time, before she could get James to open up about Steve. He somehow felt to blame. The war did strange things with the heads of the survivors, but she tried to be there for James the best she could, and starting their little family helped. When Steven was born, James had been overjoyed and in tears. He was born during preterm labor… and they had been very worried about him and his health. But just like Steve, their son had pulled through his premature birth against all odds. 

Steven was a beacon of health after that, and gradually they stopped worrying for him. Normally babies learned to crawl before they could walk, but not Steven. He managed to surprise them all, and within a short amount of time he was already walking from the couch to the table, from his crib to the chair, and so on. James doted on Steven. There was nothing that brought him as much happiness as seeing his blue-eyed boy running around the house like an untamable savage, creating messes and dropping over bits and pieces, much to Alex and [Y/N]’s dismay. 

“James, will you get a hold of Steven!” [Y/N] tried not to let the annoyance in her voice become too clear while she braided Alex’s hair in the family room. 

Steven was running circles around the coffee table and had already dropped a book that James had been reading to Alex earlier _and_ some of his own toys. He had picked them up after running some more circles once his pa had told him to with a playful smile. “Aww, but he’s being so cute.” James grinned, not listening to his wife. 

“Popppps…” Alex whined out loud, which finally got James’ attention. 

“Alright, alright…” He looked at Alex who instantly turned her frown upside down. “You heard your sister, Steven. Knock it off.” 

Steven came to a halt and looked around the family room at all the faces that were staring back at him, “Huh? Dadda, what?”

James signaled Steven to come closer to where he was seated on the couch. He placed Steven between his legs, and held on to his little body. “Stop running.”

“Not wanna.” Steven tried to run away, but James kept him in place. 

“We will play at grandpa’s house, ok? You can run around there. Drive your grandma insane instead of your ma. Less backlash for me. Now come, let’s get you dressed.” He lifted Steven in his arms who struggled a little, but dissolved into laughter once James threw him over his shoulders and tickled him. 

“Careful, James…” [Y/N] tied a blue ribbon in Alex’s hair to keep it together. James bent down, Steven still playing on his shoulder, and kissed [Y/N] on the lips.

“Ew, pops.” Alex giggled. 

“Oh, you want one too?” He pecked Alex on the forehead as she shied away. “I’ll be back later for a proper kiss outta ya.”

“I put his outfit on the bed.” [Y/N] yelled after James, who loudly hummed a sound of assent while he walked towards the bedrooms with Steven. 

[Y/N] and James made sure to visit each of their parents biweekly, so she could get some rest from the twosome that sometimes brought terror into her life. It was either Alex and Steven, or Steven and James.James was never innocent. At least the children had an excuse: they were children. But James… He wasjust as bad as them. Sometimes they formed a terrible threesome and ganged up on her. The only good thing that would come from that was when James pleaded with her, and asked for her attention after he had pissed her off. She had fun showing him who was boss then, and she was pretty sure he took a lot of pleasure in it too. 

The nighttime were the moments she had to herself, and when she had James all to herself too. They often stayed awake much longer than they probably should, but they were still young and their needs for one another were still strong. They both made sure they invested time in each other, if they were not too tired at the end of the day. And then there were also the mornings, which James often used to his advantage to get a quickie in when they were still half-asleep and the children had not risen yet. Who knew that once they had gotten out of the parental house, they would _still_ have to sneak around in their own home. 

James’ hand slid over her shoulder and brushed the long locks of hair out of her face, so he could admire his sleeping beauty. The last couple of weeks had been extremely exhausting and they had spent very little quality time together. It put him in quite a vexed situation. At least Alex would soon be attending school, so that would give [Y/N] a bit more time to unwind during the day if their thunderstorm of a son would let her rest. She deserved that. James lowered his hand to cup her chin, raising her face a little, and kissed her softly. His thumb caressed and parted her lips slightly while she breathed out, and the sight was starting to have a stimulating effect on him. If only she were not sleeping on her belly, James thought, while he tried to cup a feel of her breast. It was not working. She stirred awake with a drowsy groan, and James retracted his hand.

“Oh, you’re awake?” He did not _mean_ to wake her. 

She grumbled, “I am now.” 

“What a coincidence…” 

She made a halfhearted attempt at a snort and turned her head away from him, trying to go back to dreamland, but he would not have it. She was awake now, anyways. Might as well have some fun. His body moved against hers, his lips explored her shoulders and neck, and his hand squeezed her ass before it went underneath her nightgown to the source of her heat. “James, what are you doing?” She asked lazily but he remained quiet. All she heard was his steady breathing. She let out a sigh of relaxation when his fingers rubbed against her folds until he could feel her moist coming through her underwear. “Alex and Steven will be up soon. You know what they're like.” She warned him, but her hips moved towards the palm of his hand. 

“I'll be quick.” James’ voice was deep, and he pushed his hardened dick against her thigh a couple of times and murmured sweet nothings. “Lemme just…” Her hips rose again and he used that opportunity to pull her underwear to her knees, then he placed both hands on her hips and pulled her up further until her butt was in the air. 

“James!” That startled her out of her relaxing return to her slumber. “What… _Ahhh_.” Her words faded into a soft moan. James had placed his face in-between her butt cheeks and was eagerly preparing her for himself. He licked her folds, then opened her up wider so he could massage her entrance with the tip of his tongue. “Hmmm.” She sighed again, her breaths coming a bit quicker while his hand had reached down his boxers to palm himself. 

He sat up on his knees, and she murmured softly at the lack of stimulation. He took his dick out of his underwear and placed it against her folds where he kept it still. Already worked up and impatient, and since they had very little time before the children would come running into their bedroom, she wiggled against him until her body pulled him in. 

She whimpered, and James let out a long sigh and curved his hand over her ass to small of her back,pushing it down to the mattress so her ass would press more against him. He was going to fill her up to the brim. “Oh, [Y/N].” He groaned now that he was moving in and out of her. 

Each new thrust came deeper and harder. In a desperate attempt to control her moans, she bit her lip, but that didn't work so she buried her head in the pillow instead. An assimilation of noises were wafting through the air. Her smothered cries. His soft groans. Skin smacking on skin. The sound of James getting sucked in with each new thrust, and trying not to lose it yet. His hands were tightly gripping her ass and hips, and he moved it roughly back and forth as he was nearing his orgasm. 

She loved it like this. “Ohhh. Ohhh. Ohhh.” She let out quick and breathy moans in the pillow as he was building up the pressure inside of her. This way she was able to completely feel every inch of James while he ravaged her. Him holding on to her body and having his way with her while she eagerly bucked along with him always emptied her mind. She could only focus on what he was doing to and with her. The only downside to it was that she was going to walk around with an unfulfilled hunger for him until the children would go back to bed, but she would have to make sure he would cater to her every need then. With a shove, he pushed her belly flat on the mattress while his motions never stopped. His hands were placed on the small of her back, and her cries came out louder in the pillow. Like this her hold on him tightened, andit was just what he needed to push him over the edge. His thrusts sped up as he nearly pulled out of her only to fill her up to the brim again, faster and harder, until he tensed up and came undone inside of her. 

He lied down on top of her back with a deep groan. “ _Ahhh_ , [Y/N].” He panted. He tried to gather his thoughts. He breathed into her neck, then began kissing his way up to her cheek. “Thank you, doll.” She kissed him in response, and they shared a slow and sloppy kiss. He groaned with satisfaction while he softly pushed in and out of her a couple of times before he completely pulled out and lied down next to her. “I'll make it up to you tonight.” He pulled up his boxers and let out a yawn as sleep was slowly taking over him again. 

Now fully awake, [Y/N] put her own underwear back on and got up to walk to the bathroom to clean herself up, and start the day before Alex and Steven would start it for her. When she opened the door, she saw a sleepy Alex, with her thumb in her mouth and a teddy in her hand, walking up to their bedroom. Too late.


	6. A Flash Of Adulthood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time and age have turned James into doting family man.

The weekends were usually filled with the laughters and joyful screams of their children as they ran around in the house, followed by the not-so-joyful screams of their mother, then often the sounds faded as the children hurried off to do some more damage in the communal backyard. Today was not like that though. Both Alex and Steven had been outside for a big part of the day, playing with their friends, and James really missed their sounds and attention. Was this what an empty nest would feel like later on? Even [Y/N] had made plans with friends, and he was left to his own devices. Before he had started his own family, he really needed a lot of alone time, but now he could not imagine a day that was not spent with the people he held closest in his heart. However, today he would have to weather the storm. He turned on the radio and listened to the news, then the ballgame. It brought back some good memories of his childhood. He cleaned up the small messes the children had made in the family room, and examined their little toys and books. Those brought back happy memories from not so long ago. When the silence became overbearing, James grabbed his jacket and went outside for a while to enjoy the sun. He met up with the crew from the neighborhood to shoot the breeze. He caught up on all the dirt and played a round of cards. After a couple of hours of being social with his community, he decided he had enough of it and he went back home to his familiar couch with a newspaper under his arm to read up on the current local news while he would wait for his family to come home. 

“Sweetheart, whatcha been doing all day?” James asked Alex gravely when she walked into the family room from the bedrooms. He put away his newspaper and gestured her to come closer. She happily skipped towards him. 

“Playing.” She stated matter-of-factly once she stood in front of him, and he sat her down on his thigh.

James pulled her dress down over her knees and gave her a big smile, “What about a kiss?” 

“Pops, I’m too old for those now. My friends don’t kiss their dads on the lips. It’s icky.”

“Maybe their ma’s shoulda raised them better.” Alex giggled. “There’s no age limit to kiss your pops. Now gimme some love.” He pointed to his lips sternly, and she rolled her eyes and gave him a modest peck. 

“Thank you.” He made a silly face, and she giggled again. “Where’s your ma? And Steven?”

“In the backyard.” 

“Alright, so tell me about your day. I missed ya.” 

“Well…” She looked away pensively like she was reliving her day. “went to Maggie’s birthday party. She’s seven now.” Alex showed Maggie’s age by raising seven fingers, and James nodded attentively. “I f _inally_ gave her the present ma bought aaaaaages ago.” 

“What was it?”

“One of those dolls she likes. You know… those really _ugly_ dolls that are meant to be babies but look like clowns.” Alex made an exasperated face, and James laughed. He loved about Alex that she never cared about girly playthings and figurines. They were very expensive, so that saved him some money too. And she would much rather figure out puzzles, read books and play along with her younger brother’s collection of toy cars, trucks, and animals. “But she was happy with it.” Alex shrugged. 

“That’s so nice of you. Did ya have fun at the party?”

“Yuhhah, and guess what?!” She smiled widely at her pa. “I can do a handstand now! Watch me!” She excitedly jumped off of James and stood in the middle of the family room. 

“Shouldn’t you use the wall?” James did not want her to hurt herself.

“No, pops. That’s what I’m telling you. Look!” She took a deep breath, focused on the floor, and leaned all her weight forward on her hands until she was able to balance herself on them. James grinned proudly when she stood on her feet again seconds later, flattening her dress and awaiting his response. 

“ _Wow_! Good job! When did ya learn to do that!” He walked towards Alex and admired her.

“Yesterday! During gymnastics!” She jumped up and down happily, and he laughed. 

He sat down in front of her on the floor, “And you only tell me _now_?” 

She raised her hands, “I forgot.” 

“Well, I’m very proud of ya, sweetheart. You did an excellent job.” 

“Thanks, pops.” She leaned forward and hugged his neck, growing bashful under his praise. 

“Did ya show your friends your new move?” 

“Yuhhah, but Mrs. Redford got angry with me.”

“Right, I think your ma needs to have a talk with you about modesty.” James wondered if Maggie’s mother had already addressed the issue with [Y/N], or if he should bring it up himself, just in case. Rather safe than sorry. 

“Modesty?” She sat herself down again on his thigh, and he held her. 

“Just… when you’re wearing pretty little dresses like these.” He pulled the fabric over her knees again. “You probably shouldn’t go around doing handstands and other acrobatic stunts, ya little gymnast.” 

“Why not?” She tugged his shirt when he did not immediately answer her. 

“… because people can see your legs.”

“But they’re just my legs?” She looked at her pa like he was demented. 

He chuckled. She was not wrong about that. “Sure, but your pops could just see your hiney too.”

“But you’ve always seen my _butt_ , pops.” She giggled when she said the word.

“True, but other people haven’t… and shouldn’t.”

“But why?” 

James cleared his throat, trying to draw out his answer. What had he gotten himself into? She was so smart, and he was not ready yet -if ever- to be discussing women’s sexuality and modesty with his daughter. Luckily with the right questions, her young mind was easily swayed towards _other_ fun topics, and he was able to avoid that chat for a little while longer. 

The conversation had stayed with him all day, and he could not stop thinking about the long-term results of having children, a daughter specifically. It made him realize he was not prepared for the coming phases in their lives. “I can’t believe how old Alex has gotten. She’s such a stunner. Just like her ma.” James said thoughtfully after he closed the door to their bedroom, and sat himself down on the left side of their bed.

[Y/N] stopped putting away their newly-washed clothing, and smiled at the compliment. “We all become older, James. Alex will too.”

“I was having a talk with her earlier today, and it hit me that some day soon… boys will start paying attention to her for her pretty looks. And I can’t stand the thought that one day she’ll grow up and want a sweetheart. That she won’t need me anymore. That one day a boy will sweep up and take my little girl away from me.” He lowered his eyes. 

“She’ll always need you. You’re her pops. There’s no boy in the world who will change that. Trust me, I know.” She walked towards James, and caressed his face lovingly. 

“Hm, maybe… but let’s make sure she doesn’t find a boy in a _long_ time. At least two more decades.” James kissed her wrist, and [Y/N] smiled at his plaintive behavior. 

“She’s still really young, James. You’ve got nothing to worry about. Trust me.”

“I do… Come here, doll.” James drew her into his embrace and stroked her calves. 

She made herself comfortable on his lap and looked at him lamentably. “You know, you should really start calling me something else, James. I’m no longer a twenty-one year old girl. I have really passed that stage. I’m not a ‘doll’ anymore. I’m just an old mom now. At least that’s what our kids tell me.” 

“Bullshit. You’ll always be _my_ doll. When you’re sixty-seven and telling me off for using too much toilet paper, which is ridiculous because how can you use too much… it is being used for some important business…” She was giving him a questionable look. “Anyways, even then, you’ll still be my doll. Though I might grumble and grouse a bit more.” 

“Yeah, you’re already turning into your dad.”

His eyes grew wide in offense, “You take that back.” 

She laughed at his expense, and he started tickling her sides. “Oh, James. Stop it!”

“Take it back first.” He grinned. 

“N-never.” She produced roars of laughter and repeated that word until her stomach started to hurt. “Really, James! Stop! It!” She wriggled in his lap, and he pulled her closer in his arms and constricted her movement.

“For a kiss.” Their mouths lingered a couple inches away from each other, and [Y/N] tried to catch her breath. She placed her hands around the nape of his neck, and inched closer. She nodded, and he smiled. As she neared him, she smelled the musky scent of his cologne and closed her eyes. Even today, after all those years, she was as attracted to him as ever. Her strapping and handsome man. When their lips touched lightly, her body loosened in his tight grip, and she pecked his lips until he allowed her more access with her tongue. The caress was smooth and heated, and it made her hunger for him strong. He always knew how to entice her… how to keep her coming back for more. It was with his kisses. As she rolled her tongue around his, James’ hand slid beneath the heavy fabric of her skirt… up to a place where she loved to be touched. 

[Y/N] stiffened in his embrace and James slowly removed his hand, when they heard a thud, and then a gagging noise coming from behind her. Steven was standing a couple of feet away from them, his toy firetruck on the floor, and his eyes wide in shock. “Yuck.” He finally mustered up. 

Clearing her throat, [Y/N] got up from James’ lap and removed the creases from her skirt, before she continued tidying up their dresser. “Don’t ya know how to knock, huh, little guy?” James asked Steven, who still had not moved. 

“Yuck…” Steven made a face and picked up his toy truck. 

“Now ya better mind your manners, or I’ll come for you.” James pushed himself off of the bed a bit, daring his son, who was grinning at this point, to test him. 

Looking his pa in the eyes he took a small step back, “… _Gross_!”

With a smirk James jumped off the bed and ran after his son, who had already turned around and made a speedy exit out of their bedroom. 

[Y/N] took out her earrings and placed them in her jewelry box. “Kids. I’ve got three.”


	7. A Flash Of Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All James and [Y/N] are looking for at the end of a tiring day… is to turn off their minds and unwind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Penultimate chapter. Enjoy it while you can...

Brisk footsteps paced through the hall. Shaking her head from side to side, [Y/N] cleaned her hands on her apron and stepped outside of the kitchen for a second to reprimand her children. 

“Alex! Steven! What did I _just_ tell you?” She said into an empty hallway that led to their bedrooms. 

“Sorry, ma.” Both of them hummed, and silence took over again. 

She returned to the kitchen to put the casserole in the stove, then turned back to the pile of used utensils that would continue to grow and add to her disquiet, if she did not do something about it instantly. What she loved about casseroles was that the preparation of the evening meal required very little of her attention once she closed the door of the kitchen stove. So now she could already get started on the cleaning rather than having to do a much more arduous job after dinner. It was a small victory, but one she was very thrilled about. One after the other, she grabbed the dirty bowls, knives, saucers, cutting board, and spatulas, and wiped off the refuse then piled the items on top of one another in a specific order, and placed them on the counter next to the sink to wash. She sighed. If only they could afford a second radio. She would have enjoyed listening to some fun tunes while she was doing her domestic work, but for now she would have to be her own recreational fun. Humming the melody to _All My Love_ , she grabbed a dish pan, placed it in the sink, and turned on the faucet until the pan was half full of water. _All my love, I give you all my love_. After turning off the faucet, she removed the soap from the top cupboard, where the children could not reach, and added it to the boiling hot water. _All my sighs will disappear at last_. First, she rinsed and dry-polished the glasses the children had used that day, then came the cooking utensils with remains of food on them. _Now that you're here at last_. These would require a bit more effort, so she added more soap until the dish pan was filled with soap suds. Soap suds seemed like a lot more fun to her when she was a young girl who got to help out her mother. _You thrill me—_. 

“Oh, that smells great. What's cookin’, good lookin’?” [Y/N] turned her head and saw James standing in the doorway of the kitchen. He was all smiles, looking like a kid who just walked into a candy store, with bills and letters in one hand while the other had already begun loosening up the top buttons of his shirt. 

She momentarily removed her hands from the soapy dish pan and shook off some of the excess water. “Macaroni and cheese. Alex can’t get enough of it.” She said as he put the papers in his hand on the small side table, and sauntered to his lady. 

Wrapping his arms around her waist and pressing his hips against her buttocks, he leaned down to the curve of her neck and brushed his lips over the sensitive skin behind her ear. He had missed her warmth and softness all day. She sucked in her breath and her body stiffened slightly between his and the kitchen sink. Pleased with the reaction he elicited from her, James peeked out his tongue for a little taste. 

“ _Hm_ ,” She audibly relaxed in his arms, and dropped the back of her head on his shoulder. This was also good entertainment. Distracting -very distracting- but so good. James’ fingers traveled up her body slowly, leaving behind a trail of semi-ticklish tingles where he touched her, while he began to nibble and suck on her neck. Her arms rested on the counter, her own fingers shallowly dipping in the hot soapy water. “I love it when you do that,” She sighed again. 

James smirked and found her lips for an amorous kiss with his teeth and tongue. There was no need for any more build-up. His fingers gripped around her breasts, and he kneaded them softly while he pushed his growing erection harder against her buttocks. The softness of her rump and breasts had a tendency to awaken him. “You're making me hungry.” He stopped kissing her and rolled his hips, letting out a small groan in her ear as his hold tightened on her breasts. She bit her lips, trying to stifle her own sounds of need. “So I better get ready for dinner…” James let go of her and quickly brushed his lips over hers again, groaning in frustration when he walked out of the kitchen. 

“Steven made you a drawing!” She called out after him with a sigh, so James first set out to go to his son’s bedroom before he would take a cold shower.

“Knock, knock.” James said without knocking on Steven’s door. The small boy jumped out of his bed, and ran to his dad enthusiastically. It instantly put James’ worked-up mind at ease. “Oh! Hey there, little guy.” He lifted Steven up in his arms when he jumped up and down, looking for his love.

“Pops!” Steven hugged his dad. 

“Gimme a kiss.” James requested and Steven pecked his pops on the lips. “Thank you. So your ma told me you made me something?” 

“A drawing! On my bed, pops.” James carried Steven to his bed, and sat down with him while Steven rummaged through the different drawings on his messy bed, searching for his dad’s gift. “Here!” 

“Oh, what is it?” James tried to stare at the piece of paper with colorful lines and twirls like it somehow made sense to him. 

“That's you.” Steven pointed at a line that looked more like a cross with a big oval -apparently head- on top of it. “That's me.” He pointed to a mini-version of James. At least his kid was consistent. “And that's the big bad _ugly_ giant. We destroyed him. We helped our family. See the fire?” James pointed at some red lines. 

“Aha, I do. Like the giant from _Jack and the Beanstalk_?” 

“Yes! My favorite! Do you like, pops?” Steven handed James the drawing. 

“Like it? I love it! I’ll make sure your ma hangs it up where everyone can see your _amazing_ artwork.”

Steven beamed, “Good! Alex sayed my drawing looked dumb.”

“That’s baloney! I’ll have a talking-to with her.” James ruffled up Steven’s dark locks, and the kid stood up on his bed and playfully attacked his father, wrestling with him in the hopes of getting closer to ruffling up his father’s hair. Steven was unable to accomplish this. Keeping his hair in place was important to James, after all. He spent too much time on it every morning. Suddenly, James picked Steven up and quickly spun him around the room a couple of times until Steven bursted out in a fit of laughters, then James sat him down on his bed again. “Now anything else you wanna show your pops before I get ready for dinner?”

Trying to catch his breath, between his smiles and laughters, Steven shook his head. “Ok, I’m gonna take a shower. Finish up here. Make ma’s life easier. Dinner’s almost ready, ok?” James got off of Steven’s bed.

Steven nodded his head fervently, “Pops?”

“Hmm?” 

“Can ya read _Jack and the Beanstalk_ tonight?” 

“You got it, kiddo. Now clean up that bed of yours.” 

 

——————————

As always, dinner was a loud and hectic moment of the day. Alex and Steven competed for the attention of their amused but tired father after having missed him all day, and only getting to see him for a couple of hours before they had to go to bed. They were like two little and very colorful peacocks who used corporeal gestures -jumping up and down in their chair, swinging their arms around, messing up their meals- and loud noises to attract James’ attention. After a couple of lighthearted warnings from James, and a stern glare from their ma, the two children finally settled down and continued eating their macaroni and cheese. 

“What about you, princess? How was school?”

“Ew, pops. Princesses are the worst.” 

“Oh, is that right? What do ya prefer then? Sugar plump? Honey? Doll face?” 

“No. No. No. Those are even worse.” She folded her arms and stuck out her tongue. 

“Charming.” James chuckled proudly. “Your ma is gonna have fun with you.” He glanced at [Y/N] who rolled her eyes, then took another bite of her dinner. James loved hearing anything and everything that confirmed that his little girl was not preoccupied with fairy-tale romances. He would continue reading adventure stories to her. _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ had been a great choice. 

“Sweetheart then, I won’t take ‘no’ for an answer.” James put his fork down and looked at her patiently.

“Fine, but only ‘cause _I_ said so.”

James smirked, “Sure thing, sweetheart.” 

After dinner [Y/N] cleaned up the dirty dishes and Alex helped her out with the washing while James put a freshly-showered Steven to bed already, and read _Jack and the Beanstalk_ to him until he fell asleep. Then he had to repeat that process with Alex, only she chose _Peter and Wendy_. It was a fatiguing act, and although he loved spending time with his children, he could not wait for the day when he would no longer have to reread the same fairy tale for the gazillionth time. With an unwanted yawn, James retreated to the family room to finally unwind on the couch. [Y/N] had already placed a glass of bourbon on the coffee table, which he picked up and sipped with a satisfied smile. She sure knew how to take care of him. He turned on the radio and found the channel that was announcing a play-by-play of today’s baseball game. The announcer was already discussing the second inning, so James immediately sat down on the couch and listened carefully. He took another sip of his bourbon and his mind had begun to quiet down when [Y/N] walked back into the family room and headed towards him. 

She sat down next to him, stroked his arm and then his face, and he gave her a slow smile. Her touch was always soothing. He wrapped his arm around her and continued listening to the radio. He heard a little huff, but took no further notice. She leaned into his body and placed soft pecks from his jawline down to his neck. He let his head fall back on the couch, feeling at complete mental repose. Then out of nowhere, there was a home run. His body jerked up, and he listened carefully to the announcer. After that home run, the Yankees were taking the lead, and the game abruptly became more intense. This was too good. He took another sip and finished his glass, then he looked back at [Y/N] to ask for seconds so he would not miss out on this momentous change in the game. She raised her eyebrows, and he finally noticed the annoyance that was growing within her, so he put down the empty glass on the coffee table and decided to get one later himself. He wanted to ask what was wrong, but then one of the players—

“I’m right here, you know.” A burst of red, hot exasperation coursed through her being. This was mortifying. Did he just push her away and then had the nerve to ask for another drink? Who did he think he was? [Y/N] clenched her teeth. 

“I know, doll. It’s just that…” His words faltered when the radio announcer took on an excited tone of voice, and James leaned towards the radio, trying to hear every word. 

She made an attempt not to grind her teeth together, but stood up and walked towards the radio and turned it off just as the announcer started screaming like a madman. Men and games. She sighed, and walked back to James who had thrown his hands in the air and looked at her with complete confusion and slight irritation. _Good_. 

“[Y/N], I was listening to that.” It looked like he was going to stand up, so she pushed him back down straightaway. He tightened his jaw, after he broke his fall. His irritation became clearer. “ _What_ are you doing?” His voice had become dangerously low and steady, and she knew he was pissed off, but was trying to control his emotions. _Even better_. Now that she had his undivided attention, she took an authoritative stance in front of him. Her hands moved to her hips, her fingers fisted her dress, and [Y/N] raised the dark blue fabric at a slow pace until the anger disappeared from his face, and was replaced with a look of unconcealed desire. 

“I _want_ you to take care of me.” Her words came out slowly. She was still annoyed with him, he could hear it. So this was what she had been doing. Why she was distracting him from the game… even being downright rude about it. Just the fact that she was demanding it from him like this, made his pants feel more restrictive. If only she had used her words sooner. He would have to read about the game in tomorrow’s newspaper. He nodded his head, and she let go of her dress and cut him off from that beautiful unclothed sight. James raised an eyebrow, rubbed the palm of his hands over his pants, and awaited her next move. “Sit down on the ground.… face the couch,” She said. 

As he did what he was told, she sat back on the couch and spread her legs unhurriedly, then lifted her knees up in the air so her feet were on the cushion. James’ eyes locked with what she was offering him, and he licked his lips in appreciation. He could tell that she was already keen and willing by the state that she was in. Wet. Swollen. Flushed with desire. As his own need took over, James let out a groan that rumbled from deep within his chest, and glanced back up at [Y/N]’s eyes. He removed the belt of his pants in one swift motion. She was about to say something, but he raised his body and hovered on top of her to press their lips together. One peck. Two pecks. A soft nibble on her bottom lip, and she opened up for him… again. He explored the softness of her mouth with his tongue, spinning and twirling around until they both were running a little short on breaths. 

When he moved his head down to explore her neck, she grabbed a hold of his hair and tugged him away. “I’m ready…” She breathed out. 

He smirked and let his hand glide over her dress to her breast, before he cupped it. “I can tell.”

“Then give me what I want.” She nudged his head further down and he grinned at her impatience. 

“Only because you’re asking so nicely…” His hands slithered down to her sides, then to her hips where he grabbed her, and suddenly pulled her down with a rough jerk. She was lying flat on her back now, and her ass was hanging over the edge of the couch, while her feet were firmly planted on his shoulders. He had startled her with that movement, but not as much as when he immediately engulfed her clit with the warmth of his open-mouthed kisses and the softness of his flickering tongue. 

“ _Ahh_ , James! That’s too much!” She tried to wriggle out of his grasp and pushed her arms on the couch, but he held on to her hips tightly, and looked up at how her body responded. He shook his head from left to right and let his tongue flicker harder against her, and she yelled out a set of curses. Slowing down again, he placed soft kisses over her folds, licked all the way down to her entrance and made his way back to the top. “ _Hmm_. God. James.” She panted, both hating and loving what he had done mere minutes ago. “You don’t have to kill me in the process.” She sighed when he continued kissing her slowly, and weaved her fingers through his hair encouragingly. He had finally given her what she wanted: his complete attention, and his lips and tongue caressed her lovingly. When she started to feel herself getting closer, James did the unexpected and stopped touching her. She looked at him expectantly, her face making it clear she was not done yet. 

But neither was he. “Turn around,” He said plainly. 

“What?”

“My knees are hurting. Turn around.” He bobbed his head, and sat down on his buttocks with his back to the couch. 

She had been so comfortable. With a sigh she looked down at the playful smile on his face, “You’re kidding me?”

“Come on, doll. Bring that tail over here.” 

“Fine.” She muttered, and turned around so she was kneeled down on the couch, hovering her groin over his face, while he leaned back and made himself more comfortable. 

“ _Hmm_ , there ya go.” His fingers grazed the curve of her ass, lifted her dress, and he licked her slowly. “Just like that.” He pulled her body down a little until she was planted firmly on his mouth, and her feet fell over his shoulders. 

This was definitely different, she thought, but the feeling was all the same once he started building her up once more. Her face fell on the head of the couch when he found a spot where it felt extra good, and she moaned out loud. “ _Ah_ , there. James. Stay _there_.” He languidly stroked his tongue over the spot with flat and broad stripes at an unwavering pace, and her pulse began to race as he increased her pleasure. Once he added a finger inside of her, then another, she started to feel a maddening pressure from within. She was quickly overcome with the growing sensations from different sides. Another rub. Another plunge. Another stroke. Another lick. And he had her panting. Her breaths came in deeper, and her moans were louder. He was working her just the way she liked it. Taking in all of her, just for her benefit. The pressure became overbearing, and she began to wriggle away again, but he immediately pulled her down harder on his face and applied some of that good ole’ fashioned suction that always pushed her over the edge. Within a minute, she was riding his face, both trying to escape his grasp and trying to get closer to her orgasm. When those ripples of desire finally coursed through her body, building up from her groin to her chest and to her toes, her body slackened in his grip and she let out a long cry. “ _Ahhhhhh_.” 

He kissed her folds gently while she came down from her high, then dropped his head on the couch and looked up at her. “Ya happy?” His voice was heavy, and his dick was throbbing with a nagging pain to be inside of her, but he would let her catch her breath first. She stood up from the couch and her legs wobbled, so he pulled her into his arms before she would fall down. 

“Mhmm.” She emitted a long and satisfied breath of air once she was wrapped up in his strong arms. Making his woman moan like that, then have her looking so ravished… so undone that she could barely speak… barely walk, it made him feel like a man. After a long day, -hell- week, she was able to chase her high and forget about all the worries and obligations that life brought with it. He made her forget about anything unpleasant with his mouth and fingers, and that would remain one of the greatest accomplishments in his life. “Just what I needed.” She smiled at him with half-lidded eyes, and he took that opportunity to seize her lips and properly situate her on his legs, and on top of his throbbing hardness.

“ _Hm_ , good.” He said between kisses. 

“When did you take your pants off?” She smiled in amazement when she felt him in-between her folds, and rubbed herself over him slowly.

Her heat was intoxicating. “ _Hmm_ …” That was all the answer he could offer. He was trying his hardest not to grab her ass, and plop her down on his dick. 

“Do you want me?” She asked next, and he nodded his head and pulled her figure up a bit, so she hovered on top of him. “Why?” She held his dick in her hand and circled it around her entrance. 

“Huh?” His eyes rolled back and he closed his eyes in concentration. “Because it feels so fucking good when I’m buried inside of you.” 

“Why else?”

He tried to think, but thinking was hard. “Because you’re the only woman who drives me nuts like you do.” The moment those words came out of his mouth, she moved his dick away from her and he groaned out loud. “Oh, doll. _Fuck_. Don’t do that to me. I’m in pain like this. I _really_ need to fuck you.” He put his hands in his hair, so he would not take control when she was toying with his needs like this. He knew she would only make it worse if he would do that right now. 

She leaned towards his face, and their mouths lingered in front of each other. Biting his bottom lip, she finally sunk down on him. He moaned into her lips, and she tried not to whimper. As their slow kiss intensified, his dick entered deeper inside of her. The sweet suction was both soothing and overbearing. He had to do something. His hands slithered back around her waist, and he held on to her tightly while she made herself comfortable on his legs. He was completely buried in her now, and that smug smile on her face told him she was not going to let him fuck her. Not yet, at least. “ _Ahh_ , this feels so good.” His words came out painfully slow when she began to build the pace, rocking her figure from front to back slowly. He hugged and squeezed her ass. His fingers rubbed and caressed her back, unclasping her brassiere underneath her dress. He marked her waist with the palm of his hands until he reached her chest, and she sighed. He wanted to pull off her clothing, but she stopped him.

“Leave it. If one of the kids walks into the room, I don’t want to completely traumatize them...” Her breathing was becoming arduous again as she rocked back and forth.

“[Y/N].” He stressed her name. She was asking for too much. This was unacceptable. “I love your breasts. I wanna kiss them. _Suck_ on them. I want you squirming again. Your dress doesn’t allow that.” 

James made a fair point, she mused, but… “The kids—”

“Are asleep. If they didn’t hear you coming ten minutes ago, then nothing is gonna wake them up. Now come on.” He brought her dress up to her arms again, and this time she lifted her arms and allowed him to take it off. A second later he took off his own shirt too while she removed her bra. After that he was enraptured by how freely he could touch and kiss her hardened nipples. Her back arched while he sucked on them. Her body rocked harder against him while she pushed his head further into her chest, and he slowly traveled back up to her face. 

He kissed her deeply, “Are you gonna come for me again?” 

She bit her lip, but nodded her head fervently. 

“Lemme help.” He licked his thumb then moved it down to her clit where he began to encircle it, slowly and steadily. His other hand continued to glide over her figure, sliding over the curve of her ass and squeezing, holding on to her waist and digging his fingers in her skin when her thrust felt particularly good,and up to the nape of her neck so he could guide her mouth to his. 

“ _Oh_ , James…” Her voice sounded broken, vulnerable, as she slowly took him in harder with each thrust. His own was ragged from all the heavy breathing and the way he had to hold back and control himself. It did not take her much longer to reach a new high, after he facilitated her with his thumb. Breathing became painful, and her waist and legs shuddered while waves of pure delight spread through her until she fell on top of his chest. 

Holding on to her figure tightly, he kept moving her to and fro, so he would not lose the momentum that had been gathering inside of him, slowly and superficially. “My turn.” He whispered, and he lifted her up and placed her on the floor in front of him. She nodded, her eyes still closed, her body still trying to calm down. “Turn around.” He told her as he pumped himself in his hand, building and building his need. She turned, flattened her face on the ground and lifted her ass in the air. “You’re a sight for sore eyes…” He thrusted inside of her again, each new movement quickly growing rougher, and she had to bite her hand so she would not continuously cry out loudly. The sight of that strained bite and her muffled moans turned him on even more, and he fucked her harder, pushing her body further into the ground and himself deeper inside of her heat. 

“Ah… Ah… _Ah_ …” Every hard shove pushed the air out of her body, and she was no longer sure whether she was consuming him, or he was devouring her. 

The movements had become fast and animalistic, and she pushed her hips up to allow him in even more. He groaned in indulgence and let his body drop on top of hers. Leaning on his arms, he chased his high. Bites on her shoulder. Kisses in her neck. He pushed her hair to the side, so he could see her face when he would come. She lifted her head, and he placed his hand on her throat as they tried to share a kiss. Their lips merely brushed, and lingered, their exerting exhalations taking over instead. Then finally his body jerked after one last brutal thrust, and he found that peacefulness he was looking for earlier that night.

“ _Hmmm_ , because I… I fucking love you.” He hummed after his body stilled.

“What?” Her mind was a mess, her body ruined. At least for tonight. The floor would surely leave behind several bruises on her. She could already sense where she would be tender. 

“You asked me why I want you.” He pulled himself out of her and sat against the couch again, trying to collect his wits. [Y/N] turned around, still lying down but now on her back, and tried to do the same. He found his boxers, folded it and placed it underneath her buttocks, so she could get up whenever she wanted to without tainting the floor with his semen. “I think my reasons might be endless, but it all comes down to the same thing… it’s ‘cause I love you, [Y/N]. Even when you torture me, which you do often. _Even then_. If that’s not love… then—”

“Shhh, James. You’re ruining the moment.” [Y/N] laughed, and James bent down to kiss her again.


	8. A Flash Of Veracity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing hurts more than facing the truth.

The golden rays of the sun still emitted an ethereal glow over the virescent terrain, and it made [Y/N]’s surroundings seem extremely enchanting, but life always had a way of being deceitful. A gentle wind wafted through the incandescent air, sweeping the branches of the willow trees to the side. [Y/N] turned her faceaway from the caisson coach to the nearest swaying tree, and noticed how some of the green leaves fell off and drifted to the ground. After they hit the grass and remained still, [Y/N] focused her vision on the six men who were carrying the draped casket to the site. The steps they took were slow, like how her life had become, stagnant and senseless, ever since James had left her. 

When James left for the war, she felt an indubitable torment. She suffered knowing he was on the other side of the ocean, fighting a frightening battle with many cherished brothers, beloveds, husbands, and fathers on both sides, but she had to trust in the words he had told her persistently… as if he needed her to believe it, so he could believe it himself. 

“I’ll make it back to ya. Don’t worry. I know I will. _I have to_. I’ve got you waiting for me. And you’ve given me everything last night. I’ll deliver on my promise. I always do.” James’ hands were holding on to her face while hers were grasping his uniform. It was like they were clinging to each other, because somewhere deep down they were still aware that this could possibly be the last time they had this moment together. The last time that they would be able to touch, and see, and kiss, and love each other, so they did it perfervidly. Even if his sister was standing a couple of feet away, looking at the pavement as tears were forming in her eyes. Even if his parents were silently waiting by the car to drive him to the army base and send him off. She could not let go. Not yet. She needed another minute, another second, just another touch. 

“I love you so much.” She began to whimper when he finally stepped away from her, and he wrapped her in his arms immediately. One last hug. Just one more. 

“I love you too, [Y/N].” His voice was calm and his face was resigned, but she could feel how hard his heart was beating. 

He kissed his sister goodbye again, and walked towards the car. She knew this was a moment he wanted to spend alone with his parents. The drive to the base camp. The send-off. [Y/N] and James had already had their moment together last night, all night long. She really did not want to encroach on their privacy even if they offered it to her so kindly. Besides, she could not bear the thought of having to be alone in the car with his parents on the drive back home… without James. He sat down in the front seat, straightened his uniform and offered a sad smile to his sister and his girl, and that was the last she had seen of him. 

The breeze was picking up, gusting through the aether, causing the overcoats they had been wearing to the funeral to flapper rapidly. [Y/N] held onto her coat and watched as the team of soldiers in uniform set down the mahogany casket on the stand and secured the flag that it was draped in. With the utmost care they confirmed that the rich, velvet pall was stretched out and centered over the casket, before the family could be seated. She was dazed, knocked unconscious, and unable to wake up. These were strange circumstances, and [Y/N] did not completely understand what was going on, but she had stopped asking that question after growing so tired of not getting an answer. A justifiable answer. No one seemed to be able to explain to her why James was not here anymore, why he was not able to be by her side, alive and goofing off like he always would. The chaplain walked towards them, and [Y/N] looked up at him as he began the service. 

“Our brother, James Buchanan Barnes, has gone to his rest in the peace of Christ. May the Lord now welcome him to—” It hurt too much for her to hear those words. She had not been listening properly during the liturgy either, afraid that she would burst out into tears and never stop shedding them. It was too much. And he was not here to take care of her, to deliver on his promises, like he said he would. [Y/N] looked down at her fingers. They were tightened around a handkerchief, twisted and strained to its limits. 

Hearing the chaplain read the rites from his book evoked the numerous occasions in which she had felt restless while James was away fighting a war. Her mother, who was feeling desolate herself for seeing her daughter like this, had suggested that she write a letter to James. It would allow her to gather her thoughts, to deal with her emotions and hopefully bring her closer to a mental repose. [Y/N] believed her mother to be unwise if she thought such a trivial act as writing a letter would ease her worries, but it did ease them a bit. At least for a short while after she wrote them… Telling him how much she wanted him, how much she missed and loved him. How she craved his touch after their one night together. How nothing seemed the same anymore, now that she had committed that amorous act with him, and her body went out of its way to let her know that. Telling him how she detested him for leaving her behind to foolhardily go fight some war that they had nothing to do with yet. So what if it had been the right thing to do? So what if other men were dying out there while he did nothing? So what if he could not look himself in the eyes if he would act like a coward by staying? So what?! He still left her… in this awful apathetic state. The world may have needed brave and willing men like him, but all she needed was… _just_ James. She was never going to send those letters, but [Y/N]’s mother had been right. After she poured all her love, all her pain, and all her anger into them… she had finally felt quiet and empty. 

Those years that he had been away felt like an eternity, but the agony she felt then was nothing in comparison to the boundless torment she was in now. The chaplain concluded his service, and their attention was steered towards the men in uniforms, who were aligned next to one another several feet away with rifles in their arms. She had to rise now, alongside the rest of James’ gathered family and friends, alongside her own family, but her legs felt heavy… and she… she was not sure she could do any of this. She was not sure if she could go through life without James. His sister touched her elbow and lifted [Y/N] up, allowing her to lean on her frail figure. She was kind, [Y/N] thought as she nodded and blinked away the moistening of her eyes, but she was not James. In complete unison, the men loaded the rifles and shot blanks into the dimmed air. One shot. Two shots. Three shots. 

Not very different from the day a shot rang out and pierced her heart, shattering it into an infinite number of broken pieces, and incapacitating her to the core. She had to hear it from Mr. Barnes. She never got to speak to Steve herself when he called. She was with her parents. She had to hear from James’ father what had happened to him. [Y/N] had insisted on knowing how James died exactly. Mr. Barnes told her, with tears in his eyes and pain in his voice, that James had fallen off a moving train. _A moving train_. She was stunned. No. Stunned was not the right word. She was… she was nothing anymore. The day James died, all that remained of her was a silhouette of a woman she used to be. 

The loud noise of the Taps stirred her out of her painful thoughts, and she noticed the soft drops of rain that were beginning to fall down from the darkening sky. James’ sister opened an umbrella, and held it over their heads. The hallowed bugle call of “Day is Done” was the last thing [Y/N] wanted to hear. She looked down at her hand, at the silver engagement ring she was wearing, and she was ready to fall apart. It conjured up bittersweet memories of the past and echoed a fanciful rendition of a life, of seven fleeting flashes of a future, that would never be theirs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize. It had to be done. Thank you for reading this story. Thank you for reading the series. I had so much fun writing it... except for this part. I dreaded this part. Just know that I’m hurting along with you. 
> 
>  
> 
> _In case you're interested, I've other stories (Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Scott Summers) with happy endings... or more angst. Whatever tickles your fancy.[Check them out](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ExistentialMalaises/pseuds/ExistentialMalaises)! And here's my [Tumblr](https://existentialmalaises.tumblr.com/) if you want more fun stuff._


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